I’ll never forget the day we left the hospital, getting into that wheelchair as Sergio wheeled me out the front doors back to the valet parking area. It had only been 4 days since I walked in here, and yet it felt like so much longer than that … so much had happened and I’d experienced so many highs and so many lows. And as I sit here, 10 weeks later, remembering that day … I must say that the highs and lows continue.
As my love quotes when asked how we are doing, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.” If you haven’t known me long, you don’t know about my extreme fascination with Forrest Gump … it started my senior year of high school when the movie first came out. He’s referring to me and how every day is different in how I’m feeling physically and emotionally. It’s hard to even answer or explain when people ask! If you haven’t noticed, “How are you?” is a very loaded question. To be quite honest, many people aren’t prepared to hear the real truth nor do they even want to. I don’t know how the question “How are you?” became so trite. And the answer even more so … “oh good, I’m fine.” Even when we aren’t fine … why do we all say that?? Is it that we want to appear fine, so we can hide how we really are, not becoming a blubbering mess in the middle of public. Or is it because we just aren’t willing to admit that life is tough, total denial that sometimes we can’t handle all that is being thrown at us? Or one more option … maybe we just fall into the HABIT of not being real with each other. Habits take all shapes and forms and I believe we can fall into this habit if we aren’t very intentional with how we interact with the people around us. Even with those closest to us, we can hide who and how we really are.
I’m not telling you what to do, well kinda … but it’s just my opinion so treat it as a grain of salt if you don’t like what I have to say. First to the question ask-er … don’t ask that question unless you really want to know and you are willing to listen to the response. It isn’t something you have to ask, (right?) if you don’t have the time to follow it through. Several times each week I get the statement … “You look so good, you must be doing good!” Inside I’m thinking … yes I can shower and dry my hair and get dressed but that doesn’t mean that all is good with me. But I just smile and say thank you and yes things are going well … because to a certain degree they are going well but I get this feeling that these lovely, well meaning people maybe don’t want to hear the messy truth, it might be more than they can take. My response lately when asked is … interesting, it’s been interesting!
Secondly to the responder … let’s be real and willing to let people in to who we really are, not the best version of ourselves we are constantly trying to portray. I’m all for being the best version of myself, but not when it’s a show. We all have bad moments, days, seasons and years. When we are caught in one of those times … we are counted as blessed, “for we know suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” When suffering comes, let’s face it with purpose and authenticity, it’s the only way we develop our character. I will be honest that these past 10 weeks have been some great times and some not-so-great times! As I look back before my surgery, God gave me so much peace. And while I know that He has been faithful through this season and will continue to give me peace, some days it’s hard to hold on to it … I lose heart and get sad and discouraged, scraping myself off the ground to keep going, knowing that He will see me though!
So we made it home after what seemed like the longest 90 minutes ever. The road was bumpy and loud and bright. I needed something to keep my mind off it all so I requested a recap of the James Bond movie that Josh went to see … but I wanted the long version so we would be home by the time the story was over. You all probably know by now that my husband doesn’t talk much, so this was a labor of love to recount all the details and keep my mind engaged so the drive would go as fast as possible. We were driving through the village of Arroyo Grande when the credits were rolling, perfect timing!
This is our first night all back together!