Sunday evening was over, Josh returned from his night and we talked about the plan for the next day. We had seen Dr. Park and he thought I was ready to go home Monday. I just didn’t agree, I wanted a practice day at the hospital to be on all oral meds and besides I was so weak. My thoughts were, “How am I going to walk up my stairs at home? I haven’t even walked out of my hospital room.” So we arranged a boot camp day, my mom and my little sis Heidi would come and run the boot camp … Bren was going to head home to her family and they would be perfect. I hadn’t seen Heidi yet, so I was super excited about the next day and I was ready to endure the boot camp. There were a few things I needed to conquer … No more hospital gown, I needed to put real clothes on and a walk on my own two legs out of my room.
That night Josh headed back to the cottages to sleep and Brenda stayed one last night with me. In the middle of the night, of course I was awake after trying my hardest to sleep, I went searching for my iPad, thinking I could kill some time and be productive, (because that’s how I am even right after brain surgery!) Well I couldn’t find it … I guess Josh took it back to the cottages with him, by mistake? This is where the seeds of doubt and anxiety began. This is where Satan started his attack. Now that I’m on the other side, I can see what Josh was thinking or maybe the iPad was taken unintentionally, but at the time it felt like he didn’t trust me, that he thought I was trying to stay up all night when the real thing I needed was sleep. What he didn’t understand was that I just couldn’t sleep. I felt like he was being overly critical about everything and looking at me with different eyes … Eyes that didn’t have any grace in them. Now if you know Josh this does not describe him … My feeling were coming straight from the devil. So in the middle of the night I just got super frustrated, frustrated with Josh … the beginnings of a large stone wall began to form between my sweet, loyal husband and I. So sad … but don’t fret, the story will continue, it always gets worse before it gets better, so be ready for the next few posts.